EATING DISORDER.

eating disorder.

.

Eat your food. Why do I need to eat my food when my body is so full but it's not full? I hate the way my body looks but I love the way my body sways. It’s only when I’m alone do I feel like a lonesome king. It’s when I go out into public that I see my body switch. Why does my body move like that? It’s never why it feels differently than today or the day before and then from 3 days ago. Why does it smell like that? Why does my body move from being water weight to food weight to air weight to god weight. It’s like my body is looking for a suitable match for my soul. The one that will love my body. My body is at one with the right partner. My body is no issue for you, It’s not an issue for your family. Because it’s just me and you. My eating disorder is looking for the right one to share my world with. I’m chunky, but fat but skinny.

.

I hate the way we look at different bodies in the way they are for us humans to please you sexually and those around you? Am I for you or your friends? What’s behind the body? Does my soul fit my body, yes, it does. That’s why I know my body is the perfect one. Perfect as in they see my soul working alongside my body. My body is the way it was meant to be in order to have the soul I can now call home. So I eat and I binge and my stomach throws it back out. Where does it go? My body, my soul, or my spirit. Pick one. It’s the body of a child that was molested that became an object to those around him as sexually appealing for having been raped at an early age so they eat food to look unattainable. Unattractive, Unappealing.  

.

Don’t eat anymore food. When the party's over, where do we go after? I ate all the same food over and over and over and it taste and feels the same so I tell my mind to gain more weight so my brain will think I’m eating something different than the day before. Gaining weight to eat more. Anorexia Bulimia Nervosa. Throwing up in the body. 

.

My body is nervous about what’s going into my body. Not anymore. I love the way my body moves with you. I love the way my body feels in you. I love the way my body sweats with you. I love the way my body smells with you. I love the way my body sells itself to you. I love the way my body sells itself unto you. I love the way my body feels sexually with you. I love the way my body has sex with you. My body is a temple with you. My body won with you. My body is yours my boo. My body is stapled to you. My body can change for you. My vagina can turn into an asshole for you. My pussy can turn into a butthole for you. My butthole can turn into a pussy for you. I can turn my body around for you. I can turn around for you. I can turn your asshole into a vagina. My asshole is yours, my boo. My vagina is yours for you too, my sweet love. I’m as sexual as I allow and I allow myself to be sexually pleasing in ways inexplicably unattainably enrichful to you.

I learned to love my body by what society was not telling me not to be. Sexual in the head. I needed to be sexual to love my body. Body, body, body. I touch my skin and imagine what it would feel like to have you inside. Do you feel your stomach. It’s fixing your body to be with the one that loves you the most. For you. The right body will move you to the right person in any way, shape or face. I imagine what it would feel like having you touch my fat and love it in only a way your hands could. Your warmth and my warmth match. Your heat is melting away my fat. So we can have the best sex of our life. And we can marry. Don’t worry about my face, it changes in ways you can’t imagine. The more we make the right type of love, light on light, inside the more my face changes into you. I’m yours forever. You’re mine forever. I have only the face you could love. You have only the soul I could have.